GRACE AT HOME
| '...But where sin increased,
grace increased all the more.' Romans 5:20 You need a lot of grace in marriage. Even in the best of relationships, things happen that cause misunderstanding and hurt. Speaking about his marriage, therapist Michael Sytsma says: 'Before I was married, God said, "Mike, you have some rough edges. To help you become more Christ-like, I'm giving you Karen. That should do the trick." So he brought Karen...into my life to identify all my shortcomings. My first response when she points out my flaws? Not gratitude! Instead, I strike back: "How dare you point out those things? What's your problem?" Then I have the opportunity of either denying my feelings, or owning them and maturing. And Karen can either harbor anger and resentment, or offer grace and forgiveness. Imagine a marriage filled with grace: a spouse who extends joy, pleasure, sweetness, kind speech and unmerited favor. My wife does that. I'm still working at it. Here are four ways you can show grace to your spouse: Try to look at it differently. Focus on the positive. If you think your spouse is stubborn, feeling loving toward them is hard. But if you exercise grace and choose to see them as persistent and tenacious, loving them becomes much easier. If they're disorganized, by grace you can choose to see that as a sign they are spontaneous, or creative, or the flexible type, or even over-extended. '...You'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things...noble... gracious- the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse...' (Philippians 4:8 TM). People usually try to live up to the image you hold of them!. See them as God created them to be. Focusing on your partner's flaws doesn't help either of you. The Pharisees saw only the worst in the woman caught in adultery. Jesus didn't minimize her sin, but chose to see what she could become through grace. 'I don't condemn you. Go, and stop what you're doing' (John 8:11). Grace enables you to see beyond your spouse's upsetting ways and work with God in helping them become the 'new creature' He's called them to be. Celebrate them. Too often we try to impose on our spouse our desired image of them. We resent them and insist they change, see it our way, and do things to our required standard. If they don't, we think they're inconsiderate, unloving, and even un-Christian. Grace doesn't operate that way! It understands, accepts, forgives, and leaves changing others up to God. Try telling yourself, 'Yes, that annoys me, but I wonder what God's trying to work out in my spouse.' Then step back, love and accept them and let God work on them. Forgive them. Your spouse will irritate you at times because of what they are. We're all different. She thinks she's detailed; he thinks she's nit-picking. He thinks he's laid-back; she thinks he's lazy. We act out the image we hold of ourselves, and that'll change only when God changes it! Acknowledge your intolerance and forgive your partner's irritating behavior -even before they do it again. That's 'pre-emptive forgiveness,' the kind that denies resentment, a toehold on your marriage. Culled from Word For Today. Still Walking… |
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